the beach and i are mending our relationship

it has been years since i have enjoyed the beach.  i loved it as a child, loved it less as i got older, and when i became a parent i downright began to hate the beach.  it might have something to do with my memories resurfacing (now that i have my own children) of when i was little and being swept out by an undertow and being saved by the lifeguard, or perhaps my complete abhorrence of wearing a bathing suit (it's just so close to naked!), or the hours upon hours it takes to prepare just to get to the beach and then the hours and hours it takes to clean up/recover from going to the beach, or that my worst day ever occurred at a beach when we lost my niece for the longest 20 minutes of my life.  combine that all with the fact that i am just not a water person and you have yourself a beach-hater.

my troubled relationship with the beach does seem odd, considering that i grew up in california, eight miles from the pacific ocean, in a lovely area called the central coast.  santa cruz, carmel, and monterey were my playground. there i gained a real appreciation for looking at the beach, but not going in the water.  no one actually goes in the water (well, without a wetsuit) on the central coast.  brr.

and now i find myself living two miles from the atlantic ocean, and recently i decided to make the best of it.  a few weeks ago i wore a bathing suit for the first time in six years and i actually went in the water.  the water was so warm... i have never been in such warm ocean water.  i found myself enjoying myself!  josh couldn't believe it, the kids couldn't believe it.  parker, especially, was dumbfounded.  i was like a new person out there, diving under the waves.

i have gone in the ocean three times now since moving here and i am very proud of myself.  i like going to the beach!  i never thought i would say that.  but i do.  and after a day of playing in the ocean and you close your eyes to go to sleep that night, i had completely forgotten how you  can still  feel the sway of the ocean and the rise and fall of the waves.

but i will never love swimming in a lake.