worst mom ever

*note: when josh came home and i told him this story he asked if i was gonna blog about it. he's so funny. anyway, i said no. but now i can't go to sleep because i can't stop thinking about it, so i thought i'd better blog about it. naturally.*

the girls were having fun playing outside with friends, so i took ollie across the street to talk to roo. i was there longer than i thought i would be and when i returned, parker was panicking. she was crying uncontrollably and very upset because she couldn't find me. while sobbing, and in all seriousness she said, "i didn't know where you were... i was so scared. i looked everywhere and asked anyone i saw if they knew where you were. i went in the house and looked in the kitchen, because i thought maybe you were making something, and then i looked in the closets. but i couldn't find you. i even looked by the dumpster. i thought a stranger came and took you, or the police came and got you because you were hurt. i thought i was gonna have to feed ollie and read him his stories and put him to bed and drive and do all the hard stuff because you were gone. i thought satan came and got you. don't you love your children? i love you... how could you do that? i even said a prayer but it didn't help. i didn't know where you were..."

gulp.

i hit a mothering low today. i am officially the world's worst mother.

she was so sad, so upset. i'm not lying when i say she said all that in between sobs. she really thought she was gonna have to take over my motherly duties. she couldn't stop thinking about it and even had a hard time falling asleep. talk about feeling like scum. worse than scum. the scum on the scum.

sometimes, being a mom hurts.